SHORT STORY

LOST IN LUST

“Guy, it’s 7:50am already and you’re still sleeping like a rabid chick.” Charles shouted at Brad who was lazily lying on his bed. “I guess you can’t make the class any longer” Charles added.

“Oh, is that not VPM we’re having? Who even said I want to go for any class sef” Brad replied with an indifferent expression.

“Suit yourself bro. Just remember 75% is running right after you, with an AK47.” Charles dashed out.

While still on his bed, Brad, a 600 level student of Veterinary Medicine, lied hopelessly flat on his bed in his box room. He let out a powerful sigh and closed his eyes to enter the realm of thought:

“Brad, what exactly is your gain in life? You have spent six good years in university and what exactly have you achieved? Guy, nothing! Absolutely nothing. That guy now entered and told me to be chasing 75% attendance when 95% of my life is miserable.” Brad shifted to a sternal position, a perfect position for bed thinkers.

“Flourish – flourishing in beauty, flourishingly endowed with basic requirements in life. Flourish and I made the best of friends that everybody thought we’ll tie the knot someday. I felt heavenly whenever I’m with her. It is amazing how Flourish laughs to every word I say. I thought we got something good going on, until 3 days ago. On her Whatsapp status, she uploaded one guy’s picture with the caption: ‘loml.’ I didn’t believe ‘loml’ means love of my life till Flourish confirmed it. Turns out I was the only one in love. Turns out Flourish flourishingly left me”

Breathing heavily to avoid overtaking the room with wailing sound, Brad continued “Jade, exalted is the hand that created that girl. An epitome of beauty. She actually liked me too – I thought she liked me too. She always wanted me to teach her singing, she said I had the best voice. She even calls me ‘my dear,’ dears should be lovers right? Definitely not until I saw her holding hands and laughing with Bro Kunle, as if atmospheric oxygen has turned to laughing gas. So Jade too don go, Jade ti jade last last (Jade has left eventually)”

Not in any mood of stopping, Brad proceeded “and even Titi, Titi that bought me wristwatch for my birthday. I thought wristwatches are for ‘forever together!’ She even told me I had the best shape; that should be a matrimonial compliment nau. Abi she was whining me ni? But I really liked her, I even paid for her hostel fee in 100 level. After knowing I have lost Flourish and Jade, I decided to tell Titi about my future plans with her. I wore my best attire and I even used my food money to buy perfume, just for Titi to tell me I’m not her type. But people with the best shape should be the best type nau. I thought I was the main guy titi ti Titi fi sly mi (till Titi disappointed me)”

Brad eventually stood up and went to the front of the mirror. He retorted: “you this ugly beast, you think someone can like you? You think you’re the Joseph of our time? Do you even think you deserve those girls? You think they’re blind? Your mates are boasting with 6 packs, you’re boasting with heavenly height. You that you’re so obviously emaciated like a broom stick. You this dark monster, do you really think you’re accomplished? Do you think..”

Bran wanted to ask the next question as his phone hurriedly rang. He reached for the phone and answered the call “Bradley, I heard you are not in class, where are you?”

While trying to believe he was really talking to the Dean, he stuttered “ss-s-i-ii-r…”

“Bradley, I want to see you in my office in 15 minutes” the Dean ended the call.

Spontaneously, like the speed of light, Brad dashed downstairs to fetch water.